


Opening His Heart

by SereneCalamity



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Jasper Centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 08:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17804546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SereneCalamity/pseuds/SereneCalamity
Summary: Jasper had just never allowed himself to accept that maybe himself and Emmett had the possibility of a future.





	Opening His Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a short, smutty thing for my babe Reppinda5o3, but it kinda just ended up exploding and being more feels that smut, soooooo...Haha. I ended up writing another short, smutty fic which is posted if you want to read it, but one with this fic...Which completely exploded into 5k words.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.

They had actually been a cliche kind of couple.

If they could even call what they  _were_  a couple.

One of them was a quarterback on the football team, one of the most popular guys in school, typically handsome with a wide smile and broad shoulders. He was loud and confident and adored by the school and especially his close friends and team mates and he spent his weekends splitting his time between training, football games and parties where he played beer pong and occasionally passed out next to the jacuzzi.

The other one of them was a quieter student with a great eye when it came to photography. He had good grades and was liked by the teachers, but he kept to himself, so not many people had an opinion of him. His features were more delicate, with blonde curls that had gotten longer in his senior year, with a pretty mouth and big eyes and a slim figure. He didn't go to many parties and preferred just to hang out with his best friends.

But that was where the cliche stopped, because it was _Emmett McCarty_  who was out and proud and had no problem with kissing boys in front of his football buddies. And it was surprising and heart warming how supportive they were, especially his best friend Edward Masen, who just acted as though everything was normal when Emmett showed no interest in the girls who stripped out of their shirts and jumped up on tables to dance when they got drunk. And it  _was_  normal, it was Emmett's normal, which everyone in his life accepted, but unfortunately, not everyone in the town was as supportive.

Jasper Whitlock was raised only by his father, Calvin Whitlock, who worked for the very conservative senator of their state. He wasn't high up in the office, but a lot of his beliefs lined up alongside the senators, and so Jasper had grown up thinking that there was something wrong with him, not being attracted to girls in the  _slightest_ , and realizing somewhere around the age of thirteen that he was interested in guys.

Jasper and Emmett came together properly when they were their last year of high school.

It was in the first month of their final year, and in biology class, which was something that Emmett did  _terribly_  in and Jasper wasn't that great at either, but still managed to pass without struggling too much. They were paired together when the teacher had read off the names on his laptop and it had been a little awkward at first.

Or, it had been awkward for Jasper, who had really had nothing to do with Emmett outside of sometimes giving him a short nod or a small wave when they passed in the hallways or bumped into each other going into class. He also, maybe, had checked him out from a distance multiple times, and every now and then caught him on his camera when he was snapping pictures of the field.

But other than that, they had nothing to do with each other.

Emmett was just as charming in person as Jasper had heard from everyone around the school. He joked and he smiled and he was tactile in the most comfortable of ways, reaching out to touch Jasper's shoulder or the back of his hand as they studied together in the library, or in empty classrooms. Jasper didn't have  _any_  problem with any of this when it was anyone else, but when it was Emmett, it just made him confused and nervous and it sent his stomach swooping downward to the point where he felt as though he was going to be sick.

There had been some guys that Jasper had fooled around with, but it had never been guys that he saw everyday, that he knew. There had been a boy in Chicago, when he had been visiting his cousins, and there had been another guy who was at a photography class he had gone to just out of town for a few months, and then another guy at a party at Bella Swans house, one of the few parties he had gone to. He was pretty sure Bella had only invited the guy for Jasper, since she was the only person who knew about his little secret, as his best friend.

It had  _never_  been with someone that he went to school with, and that made him nervous, because with the others guys, there had definitely been an attraction, but it was mainly physical. With Emmett, it went deeper than that, and that scared Jasper.

They graduated from studying together at school to getting together  _after_  school, almost always at Emmett's house, since he lived with his aunt and she was a nurse who usually worked afternoon and night shifts, so the house was empty. They studied a few times at Jasper's, but there was something about seeing Emmett in the familiar surroundings of his house that made him feel simultaneously turned on and fucking nervous at the same time, so he ended up telling Emmett that he was more comfortable at his place, which was true. Emmett didn't push the subject, which he appreciated, and they stayed studying at his place. It wasn't just their joint project that they worked on, they ended up doing all of their studying together, and then Jasper started staying later and later, and Emmett cooked him dinner a few times.

The guy was a good cook.

Despite how nervous Jasper was, it was  _him_  who initiated the first kiss.

They were sitting on the couch in the living room, watching a comedy special on Netflix by John Mulaney—taking a  _break_  from studying, even though their books had been long forgotten over an hour ago—and Jasper couldn't help but stare at Emmett. He was slouched down on the couch next to Jasper, wearing sweatpants and a tee-shirt that was tight in the arms around his biceps and shoulders, his legs were splayed open, so that his knee kept knocking against Jasper's, and when he laughed, it was with his whole body, shoulders shaking and legs bouncing.

He was  _gorgeous_.

Jasper had taken in a deep breath and shuffled a little closer on the couch. Emmett had turned his head to look at him, raising an eyebrow playfully, and Jasper had leaned forward before he lost his nerve.

It had been perfect.

Incredible.

Unforgettable.

Emmett's lips were even softer than they looked, and while he returned his kiss softly to begin with, once he seemed certain that Jasper was sure about this, the pressure got firmer. Emmett's hand slipped into Jasper's hair and gave it a gentle pull, encouraging him to tilt his head to the side a little more, guiding his head back slightly so that they could deepen this kiss. Jasper had never been kissed in the way that Emmett was kissing him, his other hand coming up to touch his fingers to the side of Jasper's neck, gently stroking the sensitive skin there before his thumb hooked behind Jasper's ear, resting there.

They were kind of together nearly five months.

Or, fooling around with each other? Hanging out alone on occasion?

Jasper  _knew_  he was falling in love.

He tried to tell himself, over and over again that he wasn't, but sometimes when they were alone and they weren't even doing  _stuff_ , Jasper felt this incredibly warm sensation spreading from his chest and out toward his limbs, making him feel all soft and safe. When Emmett was spreading out Jasper's thighs, kneeling between them and reaching forward to press his thumb to the corner of the Jasper's mouth, he looked at the blonde with his beautiful eyes as though Jasper was the most precious thing in the world, and Jasper's chest felt heavy and there were tears pricking at his eyes.

But then there were exams, and they were spending every chance they had studying, and they were all talking about college, and then one afternoon, Emmett was doing this thing he did where he curled Jasper's hair around his finger and leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose, and he had asked what they were going to do when they went to college. Jasper hadn't even been thinking when he had said that they could still keep in contact on Facebook.

Emmett had frowned and his hand had dropped to his side and he had pulled back to look at Jasper, how unsure he was showing on his face.

"What?" He had asked. Jasper looked back at him, suddenly feeling as though they were on different pages.

Because Jasper knew he had real feelings for Emmett.

And Emmett had real feelings for him.

But it wasn't as though they were a  _thing_. It wasn't as though they were  _actually_  together. They never went out in public together, they hardly ever hung out in school since they were in both in such different social circles, and most of the time they were with one another, they were at Emmett's house, completely alone.

So they weren't a thing.

They couldn't be a thing.

Jasper's father would  _never_  be okay with this—he already thought it was odd that Jasper had never had a girlfriend, and had brought that up a few times, in a few awkward conversations over the past few months. He wasn't going to be okay with Jasper dating a  _guy_. He would never accept Emmett and the relationship that they  _might_  have, and that was Jaspers shit to deal with, it wasn't Emmett's. Emmett shouldn't have to deal with that, he deserved more than that, and he would  _realize_  that sooner or later, and then it would just be even harder.

And  _because_  they weren't a thing, Jasper had been telling himself that there wasn't any future for them, and he had honestly just been pushing anything about them after graduation out of his head. He was trying to enjoy everything  _now_  and pretend that what they had wasn't going to end, but from the way that Emmett had looked at him, he knew things were going to end a lot sooner than he expected.

"What do you mean?" Emmett had blinked at him, and it was then that Jasper had realized that they were on completely different pages.

Emmett thought they  _were_  in a relationship.

A serious one.

And Jasper hated the way his face fell as he realized that they were both taking different things from what they shared between them.

Emmett hadn't even argued with him. Jasper had stumbled through what he had to say, saying that he really liked Emmett, but it wasn't like they could actually be together. He knew that his dad would never accept it, and he knew that his dad would never make it easy, and he knew that his dad would never understand them as a couple and he just didn't want to do that to that to Emmett. Jasper wasn't sure how many times he had repeated himself—he still couldn't remember now, even though he had tried to replay the conversation over and over again in his head—but Emmett didn't look as though he had processed any of it.

He had sat there and he had listened, but after a half hour had passed and Jasper knew that he was just talking in circles and that he should probably close his mouth, Emmett stood up from the couch. Jasper's heart was tight in his chest and he felt  _sick_  from the expression on Emmett's face.

"I'll see you around, Jazz."

That was it.

That was the last thing he had said before he had walked out the door.

Jasper had been hurt, and he had cried for the first time since his mother had died, and he had crawled off the couch and to his bedroom, glad that this was one of the few times that they had been at his house. He had gotten into bed and he had screamed into his pillow and punched at his mattress before he had fallen asleep.

His father hadn't woken him up when he got home, but the next morning, he asked if Jasper was feeling sick.

Jasper blamed it on his nerves for his exams.

His father didn't look as though he believed him, but he didn't push it any further. He never did, they just didn't have the kind of relationship where they really  _talked_  to each other. Jasper had left for school, feeling as though there was a stone in the pit of his stomach, weighing him down.

There was only a week of school left, then they broke for study leave. Then there was just exams and graduation, and that was it.

They were done.

It had been impossible to avoid Emmett completely, although it was obvious that they were both trying. They had classes together, and given Emmett's loud group of friends, they always drew attention when they were in the hallway or in the cafeteria, and Jasper couldn't help but look over at them.

Emmett had never been looking at him.

Jasper wasn't sure which would have been better—to see Emmett looking back, with as much pain in his eyes as he was feeling himself, or the fact he had never looked.

He wasn't sure, but he didn't have the chance to find out.

After exams, there were countless parties through the summer. Bella was invited to a lot of them because she was now dating Edward and she always invited Jasper, even though he turned her down every time. There was one party in particular that she spoke to him about, mentioning quietly that Emmett was leaving for Boston, where he was going to be studying Sports and Exercise.

Jasper was tempted to go to that one.

But he didn't.

He stayed home, just like he had done all summer.

His father asked him a few times what was wrong, asked if there was anything that he could help with...Had asked stiltingly what had happened to his 'friend' that he had been spending so much time with. Jasper hadn't said anything, just shrugged it off, embarrassed that his father had noticed how much time he had spent with Emmett, and obviously how much happier Jasper had been then.

He sure as hell wasn't happy now.

He was supposed to be excited about this new part of his life, and all he felt was empty.

It had been halfway through Jaspers first year at NYU, studying photography, that Bella came out to see him. She had ended up taking a gap year, travelling the country with Edward, and they had come back because his mother had been sick. While he had gone back to Forks, she had come to New York to visit Jasper. He took her out to a pizza place he frequented, and the coffee place that they worked, and then to a bar that he sometimes when to with a few of the people in his class. It had been comfortable and conversation had been flowing easily, like it always had between Bella and Jasper, but then she had taken in a deep breath and straightened her back, looking very determined, which was unlike Bella.

"Have you talked to Emmett since you guys broke up?" She had asked.

"We didn't break up," Jasper's response was automatic as he looked down at the cider in his hand, a twinge in his stomach at the words. "We were never properly together." Bella didn't say anything, just raised an eyebrow at him expectantly. Jasper had sighed, tapping his finger against the glass bottle, thankful for fake ID's because if this was where the conversation was going, he was going to to need at least another five of these. "I haven't spoken to him," Jasper had breathed out. Bella nodded and did this thing with her mouth, pressing her lips together and twisting them to the side.

"He's doing well," she had said quietly. "But he misses you." Jasper blinked at that. They hadn't spoken since that afternoon, no messages on Facebook or any texts. Jasper had thought about deleting him as a friend on the social media website right at the beginning, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Neither of them were particularly active online, but there were still photos that went up where Emmett was tagged, and it was obvious that he was having a good time. There were always groups of pretty girls and guys around him in the pictures, except for one, that was put up by himself, shirtless and laughing at the camera on some rocks beside a beach.

Jasper may or may not have screenshot that picture and guiltily filed it away.

"You know there's nothing wrong with you, right?" Bella had suddenly looked at him fiercely and Jasper was caught off guard— _again_.

"What?" Jasper frowned. "I...I know."

"No," Bella shook her head. "Again." Jasper was confused for a minute. "You  _know_  there's nothing wrong with you.  _Right_?" She repeated, with more emphasis and Jasper blinked at her, swallowing hard.

"I know," he had whispered again.

It was nearly a month after that that Jasper got an alert on his phone, telling him that there was a message from Emmett. Jasper had been so surprised that he had nearly dropped his phone, and there had been a curious glance from the girl sitting next to him. Jasper had forced himself not to look at the message yet, to hold out until class was over so that he could focus all of his attention to it, but he barely took in anything else in his class. He had opened up the message on his phone as he had walked out of the university gates to the bus stop.

_Jasper._

_This feels really fucking awkward, but...I need to say this. I don't think you realize how much I liked you. It was crazy how much I liked you, and when it felt as though you didn't feel the same way, it fucking hurt. And I know that you were trying to explain things to me, and I know that you were working through things in your head and you just weren't ready for a relationship—I know that now, but I didn't realize it at the time. All I heard were excuses and I just thought that if you liked me enough, if you liked me as much as I liked you and saw the future for us that I saw for us, then you wouldn't let excuses like that hold you back._

_I want you to know that you're incredible._

_I want you to know that you're funny and beautiful._

_And I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with being the way we are. With loving the people that we love._

_And if your dad loves you, he'll understand that, but you need to understand that too._

_Em x_

Jasper had read the message until it was memorized. Then he had almost broken down crying on the bus back to his apartment, his shoulders tense and his nose itchy and his eyes pricking with tears and as he got off the bus and headed into his apartment building, he called into work and said he was sick and wouldn't be able to come in that afternoon. He must have sounded horrible, because they didn't ask any further questions, just said they would see him tomorrow.

And then Jasper had rung Bella.

Because maybe Emmett was right.

Maybe Jasper had pinned the blame on his father, said that the reason that they couldn't actually have a proper relationship was because of his father...But maybe it was  _him_.

Bella's voice was soothing as he cried into the phone. She told him that she loved him and she stayed up with him even though she and Edward were together on some lovers trip in Los Angeles right now. And while she wasn't surprised by what he said, but she didn't make him feel stupid for not realizing it sooner, for not accepting that about himself. He had never  _hated_  himself for being attracted to men, but he had never fully believed that there was nothing wrong with himself. He had always thought in the back of his that something wasn't  _right_  about the fact that he was attracted to men, and he had put that down to his upbringing, to being scared to let down his father to him not accepting him.

But  _he_  hadn't accepted him.

Jasper hadn't messaged Emmett back.

He needed time to process and to think, and honestly, he had no idea how to put into words what he was feeling and what to  _say_  to Emmett.

So Jasper went to the counselor at the university. He opened up to a few off his classmates, the ones that he sometimes when to the bar with. He didn't jump right in and tell them everything, but one of them, Jacob Black, had been giving him a look for a while, and instead of just letting  _whatever_  happen, he asked if he could go out for coffee with him. And when they were out at coffee, Jasper was completely honest with him, and it had been so weird but exhilarating, just putting everything out there.

And Jacob had been really good about it.

He hadn't pushed him, he had opened up about his own experiences, and rather than asking him out on a date, he had asked Jasper if he wanted to come over to his place for dinner with him and his roommate and a few of their friends later on in the week.

And instead of saying no, like Jasper usually would, he had said yes.

Jacob lived with Seth Clearwater, and their friends Leah Clearwater and Embry Call were already there when Jasper arrived. They were all so comfortable and loud—and Seth and Embry were very much together with how all over each other they were. It turned out that they had been friends for a long time, through Jacob, but it had only been this year that they had actually gotten together, and Jacob had muttered that it would only be a matter of time before he kicked his roommate out because he was done with a) their ridiculously loud sex and b) their ridiculously lovey-dovey conversations.

Jasper was a little uncomfortable to begin with, and he told himself that he was uncomfortable with  _all_  public displays of affection, between any couple, but after a few more weeks went by, and lots of conversations with his counselor he realized that he wasn't  _uncomfortable_.

He was jealous.

He wanted that.

Maybe he wasn't ready for it just yet, but he wanted it.

And he wanted it with  _Emmett_. A man that he had never committed to, and had never told how deep his feelings were, and had never even replied to when he had reached out to send him a message!

Jasper was actually stupidly proud—and incredibly scared—of the fact he could admit how badly he wanted a relationship, and Bella had laughed happily when he told her on the phone.

He went out on a couple of dates, just light outings that sometimes ended in soft, short kisses, and he made sure to keep hanging out with people who supported his choices and were comfortable with themselves and made him feel better about himself and then the first year of university was ending and he was getting ready to go back to Forks.

Where he was going to talk to his father.

Jasper had considered telling Calvin at Christmas, but his father had been working almost the whole time, only with two full days off, and he really didn't know what the response was going to be, and so he didn't want to screw things up completely, even though talking to his father about his sexuality was something that was hanging heavily over him.

He was going back for nearly four weeks over the summer holidays before returning to look at finding a new apartment for the next year of university.

It was in his second week back that he had told his father.

And it had been easier than he had expected.

It had been _fucking hard_  to start, and Jasper had to practice in front of the mirror too many times to count, and then it actually took him nearly three attempts to start, his father was looking at him with an almost concerned expression as he had tried to get the words out.

But once Jasper had started, it all just came out, and maybe were a couple of tears, but he was proud of himself for getting it out.

He had also been scared, though.

After he had managed to get everything out, it felt as though there was a dry crackling in the air with the quiet tension. Calvin was sitting opposite him at the breakfast table, and he had had his hand clenched around the blue point pen that he had been using to do his crossword. Jasper watched him, eyes wide and worried, as his father had put down his pen and got up from the table slowly.

Jasper had been scared that he was going to walk out of the room without saying anything.

But he didn't.

Calvin came around to where Jasper was sitting and he leaned down, wrapping his arms around his sons shoulders and gripping him tightly in a hug. Jasper blinked in surprise, and then as he felt his father kissing him on the forehead, emotion overwhelmed him and he felt his throat constrict. He moved his hands to hold onto his fathers arm, the one around his chest, and held it tightly, hugging him back.

They didn't talk much after that. Jasper had unloaded everything that had been burdening him for so long, and so he was happy to answer any questions his father had, but he didn't have anything else that he needed to  _say_. Calvin still seemed to be processing everything, and Jasper could understand that, and he was happy to wait.

But there was somewhere else that he needed to go.

Someone else that he needed to see.

Bella had told him that was Emmett was back at his aunts place for most of the summer break and he was working with Mike Newton's father at the local sawmill to get money together before going back to college. Jasper knew that the mill ran for nearly fourteen hours a day, and he had no idea what hours Emmett would be working, so he had to wait until the weekend before he went over to Emmett's aunts place.

Which brought him to right now, standing in front of the house that he had spent so much time in the last half of his senior year—it had been such a short amount of time in the scheme of things, but it had meant so much time him. Jasper took in a deep breath, wiping his sweaty palms down the front of the light blue shirt he was wearing before walking up the path to the front door and rapping his knuckles on it. Jasper heard movement inside, but then he didn't hear anything and the front door didn't open.

His stomach dropped.

Best case scenario, he was just so worried that he was hearing things, and there hadn't actually been any movement inside.

Worst case scenario, Emmett was home and had seen him through the peep hole and was refusing to open the door.

Jasper cursed under his breath, staring down at his shoes.

He should have replied to Emmett's message. It must have taken a lot for him to send that message after what had happened between them, and Emmett had reached out an olive branch, and Jasper had pretty much just ignored him, left him on seen—he had no idea what impact that message had had on Jasper's life.

Then the door opened, and Emmett was standing there, looking as fucking gorgeous as ever, and looking  _very_ hesitant.

"Jasper," he murmured, and Jasper felt a shiver run up his spine, because there was something in the way that Emmett said his voice was different from anyone else. Jasper wanted to throw himself at Emmett and feel his hard, comforting body against his, but he stopped himself, forced himself to meet the other man in the eye and say what he needed to say.

First, he apologized.

He apologized so many times he lost count, and even then, it didn't feel as though he had said it enough.

Second, he explained.

He told Emmett that he had been right, in the message that Emmett had sent, but he just hadn't realized that until it was said.

He should have realized earlier.

He should have picked up on that when Bella was trying to gently nudge him in that direction, but he hadn't.

But he had worked on it, and he knew that it wasn't something that he could have done with Emmett, and so them being apart had been for the best, because he need to do this for  _himself_  not for anyone else, and he needed to come to terms with everything at his own pace, without feeling as though he needed to rush because he owed it to a lover.

Third, he laid out his current feelings.

It had been over a year, things changed and Jasper understood that.

"But I'm pretty sure I was falling in love with you, Em," Jasper whispered. "And I'm pretty sure I still am. And I understand if things are different, I understand if you've moved on, but  _I needed_  to tell you how I felt. How I feel." Emmett's face had been changing the entire time Jasper had been talking. It had been cautious and nervous at first, and then it had turned to questioning and curious, and then it had switched to surprised and a little proud, and now it was soft and smiling, but Jasper couldn't be sure if that was just...In a way where he was proud of an old friend, happy that they had worked things out, or if it was...Because of something more. "But Boston isn't really  _that_  far away from New York, and we're both here now, and I think...I  _want_  something to work between us." Emmett still wasn't saying anything and Jasper was feeling nervous, tugging at his lower lip with his teeth. "Even if it's just friends!" He quickly blurted out, even though that really wasn't what he wanted, but he would take whatever he could get.

"Jasper?" Emmett spoke up for the first time since he had opened the door, repeating the same word he had said then.

"Mm?" Jasper swallowed nervously.

"There's no way that I could  _ever_  be just your friend," Emmett's face broke in that cheeky smile of his, his eyes glinting, and Jasper felt his heart jump his chest. Emmett stepped forward, reaching out to grip Jasper's shoulder and pull him in closer, and then their lips were coming in together for the first time in over a year, and Jasper felt better than he ever had before.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think x


End file.
